Max Lays an Egg
by Iggy's iPod
Summary: It is true, sort of. Just adding a little humor into the flock's dismal lives. Maximum Ride Oneshot. Please R


**A/N:** This little oneshot takes place in the happy world with the flock living in their happy house all together like they should. Minus Dylan. He doesn't exist.

Anywho...thank you for choosing our story and we hope you laugh. (and please review!) -Iggy's iPod

**Max Lays an Egg**

It was one of _those_ mornings.

Normally, waking up with a splitting headache and no recollection of going to bed is bad enough, right? Of course it is! In normal people's lives. Not in Maximum Ride's.

Rolling over in bed, trying to find some motivation to get up, something large and hard bumped against my leg. I sat up and pulled the covers over my head to get a good look at the thing. The thing that was about the size of a grapefruit, white, and oblong.

"AAAAAAIIIIEEEE!"

There was an instantaneous crash from the kitchen and the sound of bird kids (who had apparently been having breakfast without me, those jerks), stampeding like adrenalin-pumped avian hybrids towards my room.

"What happened?" Nudge shrieked, stumbling in. "Where are they? I'll kill them all! Max! You're okay? Wait, where are the Erasers? Flyboys? M-Geeks? Didn't they try to kill y-" She was silenced by Iggy who had managed to ease he's way into the room without tripping on anyone while the others piled in. Fang kind of just stood in the doorway.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his usually brooding gaze confused.

And then there I was standing there, gasping and gaping and trying not to scream. Yeah, well, that's not going to last long.

"There...there...THERE'S A FREAKING EGG IN MY BED! HOW THE HELL DID IT GET THERE? Which one of you put it there? Huh? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING! IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"Actually, I find it very funny." Iggy replied suppressing laughter and relief before my alarm clock hit him in the head. Actually he ducked it. The shame.

Angel squeezed her way into the room and came to inspect the egg, nestled in a little crevasse of tangled sheets.

"Max," she said innocently. "I don't think anyone put there."

"What, so, I _laid_ it?" I said exasperatedly, finding the idea ridiculous, and almost laughing.

There was a long silence.

"Oh." I said, finally catching on. Right, bird kid. Avian hybrid. "Well, then."

Things suddenly got really awkward and quiet. I looked at Fang, who was staring at the egg like it was an extraterrestrial.

Okay, so why couldn't I remember anything that had happened last night? I mean, nothing _had_ happened right? But...there was an egg. In my bed. UGH, It was too early in the morning for this-I couldn't think.

"Oh. My. God." Iggy gaped first at Fang and then at me. "When did _that_ happen?"

"Wait, what?" Nudge asked, confused. "What happened? Why is there an egg? How'd Max get an egg?"

"Well!" said Iggy, turning towards Nudge and starting to grin. "When two people-"

"Wait!" I yelled at him, cutting off what-what_ever_ he had planned to say next. I was now rather embarrassed and quite furious. "Where are you getting this?" I demanded of him. "Nothing...nothing happened!"

Iggy was grinning broadly now, but there was something in his face that didn't make him seem serious. "Then how do you explain the egg?" he asked.

"I still don't get it. Why is there an egg?" Nudge repeated.

"Nudge, think about it." Iggy responded patiently.

"There's nothing to think about! Fang? Will you help me here?" I turned to look at him. Fang was standing there with the same bewildered expression still on his face and he was being really quiet.

"You don't know anything about this, do you Fang?" I asked him insistently, ready to lash out at him if he gave any sign of saying yes. Before he had time to respond Angel being oblivious to everything walked over to the bed and picked up the evil abominable egg-demon.

"I think I'll name it Wilbur," she declared to the room.

"ANGEL! NO!" I screamed at her as I took my egg back. "Fang you don't have any idea how this happened or why I don't remember anything?" I asked him again, hoping for an uninterrupted, straight answer.

Finally, Fang turned to look at me. "You know, I don't remember much either."

I think right then I swore. A few times.

"Don't you think you're overreacting a little, Max?" asked Angel, pretending to clean out her ear with her pinky finger. Overreacting huh? How about someone puts an egg in her bed and see how she feels about it, that arrogant little- Okay, never mind, she'd probably just draw a face on it and name it Wilbur.

Fang looked deep in thought. "I know you weren't feeling well last night," he added, "but that's it."

I narrowed my eyes exasperated. "Well that's just peachy."

"OH! I get it now!" We were interrupted by Nudge, whose expression quickly changed from triumph to disgust. "Ew. That's disgusting. Why would you ever want to do that?"

"We didn't," said Fang with finality. He seemed really calm. Funny, I was flipping out.

"So is it black, or is it white with brown spots?" Asked Iggy with a grin. "Or is it _Paaloomiinoo_?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I snapped at him. Ugh. I needed everyone out of the room. I needed alone time to try to piece the memory fragments together.

"We'll go finish breakfast," said Angel, reading my mind.

"Great," I mumbled. I sat down on my bed as they all left. All except Fang. "Nothing happened," he reassured me. He looked a little pale which turned out to be not that reassuring. But he also looked confused which was reassuring.

"How come I can't remember? How come you can't?" It came out as a whimper.

"You had a cold...I think..." Fang sounded deep in thought. I racked my own brain.

"A cold..." I realized. "Yeah...I remember feeling like crap!"

"Well that's good."

"...and didn't we have some cold medicine or something?"

"Must have." He looked at me.

"Uhhhhh" I moaned. "Can cold medicine make you forget things?" I fell back onto the bed and I picked up the egg. Either I laid this thing or it's a really cruel kind of trick.

"Cold medicine makes you drowsy. Maybe you just passed out?"

Fang was talking but I wasn't listening. I had gotten up and run into the bathroom across the hall. I looked around for a cold medicine bottle before I found one under the sink.

It was nearly empty.

Yep, that'll do it.

But... Would I have been that stupid to drink so much? I guess if my head was stuffed with cold...

"Fang! Fang! I think I must have passed out!" I ran back into the room waving the bottle around. He almost grinned at me...which was weird... I guess I looked silly.

I sat back down on the bed. "Well at least we know that it was cold medicine making me forget and not..." I blushed, "...anything else...or...anything..."

Fang's eyes widened with a look of mock offense. "Max, I would _never_..."

But I didn't catch that last bit because I had just noticed something about the egg. There, on the shell, stamped in tiny blue print, so tiny I hadn't noticed it before was _$12.59_.

_Some kind of cruel trick..._

Fang saw the expression dawning on my face and then tried suppressing a grin. Man, was I really that stupid?

I stood up slowly and with a controlled, calm voice I said, "Gazzy?"

"Gazzy." Fang replied.

And then I ran from the room sucked in a deep breath and began to roar.

"GAZZY YOU BETTER BE DEAD BEFORE I GET THERE!" I screamed, charging down the hall. "IT'LL SURE SAVE THE TROUBLE OF HAVING TO KILL YOU!"

He was there, finishing breakfast. I realized, of course, he hadn't shown up when I had screamed the first time. He probably was sitting there this whole time laughing to himself eating his damn pancakes. As I stormed in, the flock all acted like magnets and I, the negative charge shooting them backward. Gazzy had a mixture of glee and terror on his face as he ran behind the sofa.

"YOU ARE SO DEAD WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING PLAYING A JOKE ON ME WHEN I WAS SICK, HUH? HOW IS THAT IN ANY HUMANE WAY FAIR? THAT'S CALLED TAKING AN ADVANTAGE, BUSTER! WHERE'D YOU EVEN GET THAT COLD MEDICINE ANY HOW? DID YOU BUY IT AND THINK 'OH, THIS SHOULD COME IN HANDY WHEN EVER MAX GETS SICK AND WE CAN TOTALLY DRUG HER UP BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY'! OH YES I'M LAUGHING! AND THANKS FOR GETTING EVERYONE ELSE INVOLVED BECAUSE THAT JUST MAKES THE JOKE FUNNIER, DOESN'T IT! I BET YOU CAME UP WITH THE EGG THING ALL BY YOURSELF, YOU MUST BE SO PROUD! WHY'D YOU THINK THAT I WOULD EVEN FALL FOR THAT ANYWAY! WELL MAYBE I DID AT FIRST BUT _SOMEONE_ HAD ME DRUGGED UP AND NO ONE CAN THINK STRAIGHT RIGHT WHEN THEY WAKE UP... WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR ANYWAY? HOW AM I EVER GOING TO TRUST YOU AGAIN KNOWING YOU'D SLIP IN A PRANK LIKE THAT WHEN I'M SICK! JUST WAIT, PAL. JUST WAIT UNTIL _YOU'RE_ SICK AND WE'LL SEE HOW MANY EGGS I CAN STICK- "

My tirade lasted until my head starting pounding and I finally stormed back to my room where Fang was still sitting, grinning.

Arrrrrgggh.

"Fang," I said in a hoarse, deadly calm voice. "Give me the egg."

Like the intelligent boy he was, he handed it over. Intelligent and unsuspecting.

My evil little smile wasn't warning enough, even with his fast reflexes. He didn't have time to move before I cracked the ostrich egg (I had assumed that it was an ostrich egg) on top of his perfect little head, making his shiny black hair slimy and drip with yellow goo and viscus egg white, making him jump around the room going "Ehh ehh ehh!" And me, laughing hysterically.

"That's for getting involved, my friend," I said. _And for me trusting him too much,_ I thought sourly.

As for the rest of them, (apart from Gazzy who already had his death wish) revenge would be sweet.

Like pancakes.

(With syrup, and that yummy strawberry sauce and dark melted chocolate and that vanilla whipped cream with sugar sprinkled on it. Mmmm)

The END!


End file.
